All I Do is Eat and Sleep and Sing

It’s January 4. I should have known that writing out 3-400 words on my New Year’s WRITING(!) Resolutions was easier than actually putting them into place.

Expectation 1: This morning, I would have emailed clear, interesting pitches to commissioning editors who felt like they were on top of their game and totally not sleepwalking through the first half hour back in work. These pitches would totally be a joy to read and pounce upon, reinforcing why they were in this editing role in the first place and reaffirming my writing skills.

• Reality: I forgot. I still have this pitch idea, but as time passes, the internal commissioning editor is umming and ahhing about whether it is relevant to the readership and what they are looking for.

Expectation 2: Throughout the past few days, I would have ticked beside articles and subbing/production styles I liked. On doing so, I would later send emails to editors just basically going on about how great it was and asking how they achieved them, in my informed and annoyingly nerdy fashion.

• Reality: Still not. I also imagine that the real emails would sound like these.

Expectation 3: I made a list of everything that could be mined for confessional essays, whether genuinely interesting or ripe for exaggeration and editorial hyperbole, timed them with events real and press-generated and pitched accordingly.

• Reality: Still not. Considering whether my experiences would make good copy or not is a lot harder than I expected. There’s target demographics, photogenicity and whether you know people on the publication your situation is relatable as a result. After all, who’s going to want to read about “Working class writer finds austerity hard?” It all needs to be sexed-up, with the writr facing the indignity of shopping in Asda and the shame/sneering that ensues.

Expectation 4: The blogging has been better than ever. People really identify with my rants about unnecessary bank holidays and trying to keep New Year’s Resolutions, I feel I’ve cultivated my own readership!

• Reality: Of course not. This is my first post of 2011. The tweeting has been fairly pointless and inconsequential as ever, but I have to admit that “Annie LOL” for #updatedromcoms was inspired.

I don’t know why I want to fail, sometimes.